she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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