2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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