when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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