i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
