hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
