At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
