Im at strip club and am horny
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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