I can't breathe out the right side of my face
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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