I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
