giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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