he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
