I think i peed on brittanys purse
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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