your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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