you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
