Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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