All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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