This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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