i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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