Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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