He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
