this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
