I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
