FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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