I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
