i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
