So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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