pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
