I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
