; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
