The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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