Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
