Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
