ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
