glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
