Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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