i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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