just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
