hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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