I need to stop coming to work sober
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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