I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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