We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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