dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
