is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
