I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
