she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
