Whod you bang
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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