we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
