As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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