Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
