are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
