twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
