ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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