i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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