I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
