I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
