brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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